Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Review - FOR JUSTICE!

The world today is in a sorry state. The badassery of law has been ruined by local commercials everywhere. You know, the ones with those mopey lawyers who want to get you fifty bucks because you got bit by a Schnauzer. You wanna know what law was like back in the good old days, you talk to this guy:


Check out that glorious coif. Marvel at that monster finger that appears to be longer than his head. Behold the wonder of those impossible eyebrows. Now listen. Really listen. You can hear his shout, can't you? Make no mistake, this is merely a picture for your eyeballs. But the rules of sight and sound do not apply to Phoenix Wright (Ace Attorney). Nothing can contain or suppress the passion that flows forth from that purple abyss of a mouth.

Go ahead and guess how many Schnauzer's are in this g--ZERO! Sorry, I couldn't wait. Phoenix Wright (Ace Attorney) doesn't mess around with dog bites or slips in a neighbor's shower (it happens). Every single case he takes is a murder case. And every single case he takes has killer SNES boss music.

And Phoenix Wright (Ace Attorney) doesn't face off against any old Barry Feinstein or Todd Frampton who comes in off the street. They aren't capable of prompting such phat beats. Phoenix Wright (Ace Attorney) throws down with only the most kick-assly named prosecutors in the land. Check it:

WINSTON PAYNE

MILES EDGEWORTH

MANFRED VON KARMA

He's kind of a dick, but those ruffles are exquisite.

In this world of extreme lawyerage, all prosecutors are assholes for prosecuting. And yet Phoenix Wright's (Ace Attorney...'s) main method of defending his client always involves accusing someone else of murder. Because he just doesn't give a fuck.

RATING: 5 out of 5