1. People who stand on the left side of the escalator
The right side is for standing, the left side is for walking. You know this. Next time I see you, I will pull you backwards and you will fall for all of eternity.
2. Stupid reality show commentary
"Suddenly, TJ Lavin shows up and I'm like, "Whoa, dude!"" Very informative, bro. Here I was thinking to myself, "Just who is that douchebag riding in on a jetski and holding an Xbox 360? And how would someone react to this event?"
3. Hard plastic cases forged in the flames of Hell
No one told me that I'd need fuckin' Excalibur to gain access to my new stapler.
4. Japanese RPG plots
Play Kingdom Hearts 2 and tell me what the hell just happened. And if you use the word "Nobody", I will headbutt you.
5. Ceviche
I've seen about 50 ceviches on Top Chef and I still have no idea what the fuck it is. Stop making ceviche.
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