Padma Lakshmi Is An Ungodly Bitch

That paper may not have been my best work, Ms. Lakshmi, but just what in the hell is your malfunction? Instead of constructive criticism, you saw fit to vandalize my work with degrading and demoralizing personal attacks. And the racism, Ms. Lakshmi? For shame.

Does it make you feel big, Padma? Does the feeling you get when you crush someone's spirit help you get through the day? And just because you tore up the offending pieces of paper doesn't mean they didn't exist. I know what you wrote. You know what you wrote. And I won't rest until you've been banned from every teaching institution in the world.

This might have all been a dream. I like your show.